Is She Lost Forever

Chapter 15

Hours later.

"June." Someone is saying my name ahh my head huts…it's like an echo? God everywhere hurts. "June are you ok?" Damn what happened…why can't I remember anything? Wait no, I was walking home, then I was…I was. "AHHHHH!!!" I sat up screaming flying my arms in front of me, hitting someone, tears running down my eyes. "JUNE! JUNE IT'S OK! YOU'RE SAFE!" I stopped; it's …its Kevin. I open my eyes, yes…its Kevin. I clung to his shirt and cried into his chest. "…Oh god June, its ok I'm here now. You're safe now." He let me cry for hours, I ruined his shirt but he didn't care not at all. "Are you ok?" He said as I leaned on his chest, I hadn't said one word since I realized it was him I nodded. My throat hurt from crying and screaming. He rubbed my back and kissed my head, for I don't know how long. I needed to ask him something but how do I ask him that. "June, umm they didn't touch you. In that way. I got there just as you passed out, I didn't let you get hurt any more. And I never will, June I want you to always come to me ok. Don't ever go off alone again." I looked up at him and he kissed my forehead. He said it was late and he should take me home. We got into his truck and I fell asleep clinging to his shirt. I heard my Dads voice, he was very upset, and I didn't bother getting up from where I was to show him I was ok. I lay motionless hearing Kevin tell my father what had happen. He ran to the door, and looked in at me; I could tell he was closing to crying. I got up and gave him a weary smile and I saw his face. It was an expression I had never seen before, I cried again. He opened the door and took me in his arms and carried me to my room. I heard my mother and brothers voices while I was lying in my bed covers over my head. Daniel was angry that he wasn't there to protect me, mother cried. She said horrible things about the men who tried to hurt me. I cried all night that night, my mother didn't bother waking me up for school for the rest of the week. I didn't feel bad about that I was good at making up the work so I wasn't worried. I ate very little for those and spoke and even less. Jessie tried to visit several times but I refused to see her or anyone else. I had many calls and letters with flowers to go with them. I didn't want any of it. They were only reminders of what happened and what could have happened.

I wasn't able to sleep so I had spent my time at night trying to gather myself. I was sure it lost somewhere, somewhere down that alley. Kevin came by every day to sit with me, we hardly spoke but having him by my side helped me. Daniel still couldn't stand him, but for my sake he stayed quite. "June I think you should start going back to school." Daniel said as he sat down next beside me, Kevin was just leaving our yard. "I don't feel up to it yet. There are still so many people talking about the incident." I felt awkward talking to Daniel lately, my head would feel dizzy and I could feel a pulse it seemed to be coming off of him. His sent would hit me before I would even see him. "You need to face those sooner or later; nothing will come from hiding out here at home, June." He looked at me as he spoke when I didn't make an effort to look at him; he moved my face to meet his. "June, if you're having trouble please let me know." I couldn't look away from him, his eyes held me.

Chapter 16

It was two weeks later I finally felt that I could face the world, I went to school, as usual I had a lot of whispers and stares but this time people felt sorry for me. Instead of the normal talk about me, they asked if I was ok, and were generally worried about me. I mostly smiled and told them I was ok and I didn't want to talk about it, but once my back was turned I felt the sting of stares. I knew what they really thought about me. But I ignored it. Jessie wasn't at school; I tried to get a hold of her but failed several times. Kevin said he hadn't seen her in a few days, he was worried about her. I felt a sudden sting of jealous when I saw his face when he was talking about her and not me. I knew it wasn't right to feel this way but it was there; this feeling, I even felt angry at her, like it was her fault that he was worried about her. I went to my classes normally and made up all my work during lunch I didn't eat so it wasn't hard for me to focus. No one bothered me, which troubled me… the silence that spread when I walked down the halls of the school got worse every day. Jessie still wasn't showing up to school no one knew why so I went to her house one day after school. Her mother didn't let me in. She spoke to me through the screen door; she didn't smile and was not happy that I was there; all she said was that Jessie was gone, and it was my fault she then slammed the door on me. I couldn't breathe that's what it felt like…if Jessie wasn't home then where was she. Suddenly my thoughts early stabbed into my heart. I was soo cruel to think those things about her. Why did I think that way, Jessie's my friend and a nice person. I ran…I couldn't stop myself I just started running.

The next day

My father came home early and his expression was unmistakable something horrible has happened and he knew about. He usually looked like this when a family friend died or has gone missing… I ran to him, he wouldn't look me in the face. I was right. "No!! It's not true she's not missing she's just out!! Right dad she's just out somewhere with a bunch of friends!!" He just looked at his hands, not at me. He didn't try to console me at all. I could feel the all the hatred I had channel towards him, I wanted to hit him. "Tell me she's fine and everything will go back to normal!!  Tell me Jessie's home right now!! Tell me!!!" Tears ran down my face, lungs soar from yelling. I sat where Jessie and I had so many times before. "She just can't be gone…" I stayed out there all night, mother tried to console me and get me to come in… Daniel started out nice but just ended up yelling and said I was acting childish. "She's gone, get over yourself! It's not about you, it's about her!" Father never set one foot outside that night to talk to me; he knew nothing would get me to relax. I awoke in the living room, hot coco siting on the table in front of me. I was itchy all over, I started to scratch violently at my arms, when mom snatched my hands and frowned at me. "You wouldn't be itchy if you came inside. But no you had to fall asleep outside under the tree where the misquotes got you." She motioned for me to sit up and pulled out a bottle of pink stuff and started rubbing it all over my arms and neck. "You dad says you need time…" her voice was low and soft…I felt her hands working gently on my skin. "He is sorry that she's missing, but just because we know the person doesn't change the circumstance of what's going on." She stopped and looked at me. Her eyes were so motherly and caring.  I took a sip of my cup and smiled at her, but knew that my decision would change how she looked at me.